The devil is hiding on Pinterest

I am convinced that the Devil is hiding on Pinterest.  It is for stay at home moms what Glamour Magazine is for well, normal looking, real women all over the world.  Pinterest creates these unrealistic expectations of what moms are supposed to be.  I joined the at home mom gig late in the game so I'm even more disadvantaged than those who have always stayed home with their kids, but even those moms are not likely crafting up a  new living room sofa out of bags of cotton balls, some old t-shirts, a glue gun and Popsicle sticks.  These types of things make those of us who aren't so talented with crafts feel like failures as mothers.  It's not just the over achieving craft projects- it's the recipes too. I've tried these homemade biscuits twice now.  In the Pinterest photo, they are fluffy and golden brown...ingredients and instructions are simple enough so I should be able to nail this right? I mean come on, I used to manage 70 employees and 2 offices when I worked and most days found myself looking for something to do. I should be able to make biscuits.  Well, apparently I can't make biscuits because baked goods don't respond to my management skills.  They looked like sugar cookies and not the fluffy, golden brown ones in the photo.  Epic fail #1.  I'll blame the Cream of Tartar I've had since before my 14 year old son was born.  Attempt #2 included a fresh Cream of Tartar and an easier recipe yet and an assistant- the kid has Home Ec at school so maybe he can bring some skills to the table that I don't posess.  Again, it's a no go.  Although the flavor was much improved, the fluffy, golden brown biscuit from the photo still looked more like a sugar cookie.
Pillsbury Grands it is.  I blame my lack of cooking skills on my own mother who poured my cereal for me until I was 17 and still cuts my meat.  I wish the baking and cooking was the worst of it though.  The other moms are making these fantastic memory quilts of the years of Little League and soccer shirts that belonged to their kids throughout the years or marvelous scrapbooks to record the years of them growing up.  I depend on others to take pictures of my kid- like the school for example.  Each sport he signs up for also sticks me for $45 worth the photos in the form of key chains, buttons, and magnets.  If you visit my home, it looks like a shrine to my son.  Every useable wall space and table top displays a photo of him.  My next Pinterest effort will be to "up cycle" old hockey sticks into picture frames.  I guess it will be a good way to get them to the dump when that project too is a miserable failure.  Today though, today takes the cake as far as the failure to top all failures as a stay home mom.  Most of the other moms I know are up and out the door by 8am doing yoga or Zumba then home to shower and plan some kind of gluten free lunch and make their own greeting cards while French braiding the dog's hair.  Me, I got up at the crack of 9:30am.  I used the water bottle I normally would use to spray the cat when she gets on the table to wet down the parts of my hair that were sticking up.   I applied some additional deododorant since a shower was not in the cards today, washed my face, did what I could with make up in 5 minutes and then got dressed.  This is where the flaw in thinking comes into play.  I broke one of my own very important rules and decided to go out of the house wearing leggings and a shirt that did not cover my butt.  I checked myself out in the full length mirror at the bottom of the stairs and surprisingly, I wasn't horrified.  So, a little lipstick and off I went to my favorite coffee shop, feeling so confident that I even chose the short jacket- also not covering my butt.  I blew into my favorite coffee shop, chatted up some of the other customers and the employees, got my coffee and my little donut and off to my next destination- my doctor appointment.  I arrived home later that afternoon and naturally had to pee like crazy from the giant coffee only to discover that I had been prancing about town WITH MY PANTS ON BACKWARDS! How could this be?  How could I have left my house even after looking in the mirror in a pair of leggings that have this intricate seamwork on the front of the legs and not on the back with my pants on backwards?  Clearly, I have lost my mind.  You know, these Pinterest moms are tie-dying Easter eggs and underwear, knitting a scarf with their arm, making shelving units out of old doors and I can't even get out of the house with my pants on the right way.  Who does that?  My grandpa was 85 years old and had Alzheimer's, and he never went anywhere with his pants on backwards.  I will close this week's blog with a word to other moms who also feel that sense of inadequacy when comparing themselves to other moms- Pinterest has yet to raise a child and we're all doing that in the best ways we know how, and I consider it a good day when nobody gets killed, lost or goes to bed crying.  That, and nothing good comes from leggings...nothing at all.