When Even the Queen Size Bed Gets Too Small...

Some of you don't remember when the Flintstones slept in separate beds and so did Dick Van Dyke and Mary Tyler Moore even though both were TV married couples.  When I visited my great-grandparents, they too had a bedroom with two twin beds.  I don't know at what point it was determined that married couples had to sleep together.  When I first met my husband, we would snuggle up right next to each other in my full size, post divorce bed, and sleep that way all night long.  Nobody got sweaty, woke up with an arm completely numb or felt the need to roll over 18 times.  Then, we got married and upgraded the full size bed to a queen size size and still felt like we should meet in the middle and hold each other all night long...that was several years ago now.  Fast forward to about a week ago...it was approximately 2am, and I had now been listening to my husband make animal impressions from his nose and mouth for 2 hours.  The moose call was new.  I hadn't heard that one before...it was some mixture of a snore and a puff of air at the same time.  This, accompanied by the gymnastics routine he had been putting on that was enough to make a 65 pound Russian girl jealous was call for the People's elbow right to the middle of the back.  He wakes up from his slumber that was peaceful to only him and looks at me and I say, "if you can't lay there and sleep quietly, I swear to God, I will smother you."  This is a change from the first year we were married of sleeping together when I would have said, "I'm cold, will you snuggle me?".  These days, I stay warm in pink fleece pajamas with cats on them. The root of the problem is that he can't sleep on his back without singing the songs of his people, and I cannot fall asleep in a room that sounds like a logging camp.  If he rolls over onto his shoulder, then he insists on sleeping on top of me causing me to sweat like a beast.  There's also the 3 chihuahuas- they will not sleep next to him for a few reasons 1) fear of getting sucked up in the wind tunnel 2) being crushed when he sticks the landing of his floor routine 3) the sleep farting (which he will go to the grave denying even though I nearly had to give one of the dogs CPR after a sauerkraut meal).  Because they won't sleep by him, they stuff themselves up against me.  You must be thinking "Big deal, how much room can a chihuahua take up? " A 250 pound man and 3 chihuahuas can take up enough room so that you are left hanging onto the seam of the mattress for dear life hoping against hope that a sleep fart doesn't blow you onto the floor.   I had come to the conclusion that perhaps a bigger bed could offer a solution to at least the overcrowding problem we were suffering from, that and some dietary changes.  Off to the furniture store to shop for a king size bed.  I measured it in advance to make sure it would fit in the bedroom so we didn't have another "couch incident".  There was about 7 inches to spare on each side of the bedroom with a bigger bed so that will also be a weight loss incentive. This purchase involved moving and assembling not one, not two, but three beds to three different rooms and hauling two up and down a flight of stairs.  I did what I always do when my husband and I have a project such as this to do together and got the divorce lawyer's number ready along with alerting my son to prepare for the 911 call for the injury that will be inevitable.  Surprisingly enough, neither were needed and all beds ended up in the intended locations.  All people and dogs are sleeping better in my house as a result.